"Stained Glass Masquerade"

It has been a while since I have listened to a band like Casting Crowns, but this evening I was going through my computer and found a video that I made with a youth group about five years ago using one of their songs.

In the video the song plays in the background and each person comes into church wearing a mask. 

This mask is to symbolise how we have a tendency to hide certain parts of ourselves within the church. Slowly, but surely, each one comes to realise they do not require to wear this mask in God's presence. 

They take the mask off, and come to the front of the church and kneel. 

It was a powerful piece of symbolic drama. 

Take a listen to the song below.

Now the irony here is that I preached that morning wearing the biggest mask of all. 

Terrified to take it off.

Terrified to let people see the real Ashley McFaul.

I stood in that pulpit, knowing that my secret would disqualify me, in the eyes of many, from preaching the Gospel of Christ. 

I wish I could find the text of that sermon, but I know I urged my church community to create an atmosphere where people felt safe to peek out from behind those masks. To let others in. To be a church where we could be authentic in our relationships with one another. 

Looking back, I was pleading with the church to allow me to pull down my mask. 

I was pleading to these people who had nurtured and love me, to continue to do so.

As a young, gay woman I was longing for a safe place in the church. 

I was crying out from the pulpit for help. 

A silent scream for freedom. 

Who else is screaming for freedom, for our grace?